Back again :-/
Thursday, July 04, 2019
I keep having to do this and as much as I enjoy Sparkpeople, I wish I could lose this stupid weight! No matter what, I'm back here at it for what I hope is my final try. My life is SOOOOO much better than it was then. I feel, and so do all my friends and family, that I am really in a place to do it this time. Life hasn't always been so peachy this last two years though.
Back in summer of 2017, I thought I had the perfect job to help me lose weight and keep it off. People were nice and supportive. It had a nice-ish break room and lots of flat ground to walk around for lunch. Boy was I MASSIVELY wrong. Over the last two years and I have lost and then regained over 50 lbs. It was an INCREDIBLY stressful job. I'm a high performer, someone who yearns to do a smashingly good job no matter the circumstances. I'm also loyal to a fault. Starting in around 2018, my job responsibilities started to grow. I was amped at the time, but the overtime starting piling up and 40 hour weeks became the exception, not the rule. When I got my promotion into leadership of my team in 2018, I became salary and that almost killed me. I began working more and more hours as my boss liked leadership to "set an example". While the supervisor on our team called in sick, didn't do his job for poop and basically shucked all responsibility, another young lady and I picked up the slack. We were expected to take as little vacation as possibly. You were shamed when you asked off for more than a couple days. You would probably get called/emailed and asked questions. Sick time was discouraged heavily. At the end I had walking pneumonia (I have asthma and get lung issues all the time) and took a week off. My boss asked my colleagues if she could call me every day. No matter what, you couldn't say no. If you did, your standing with the boss would go drastically south. I was grossly underpaid to start with. It eventually came to where I was performing the responsibility of 3 roles getting paid for one. This was not without consequences.
I got put onto high blood pressure meds. I was eating crappy food daily to deal with the enormous stress load while still trying to do my online school work and be a good partner. I almost got out in late October of last year, but stayed when my boss made promises she never kept. I felt sick to my stomach every day going to work. My resting heart rate went up 20 points. I just longed for a normal, less stress life. Soon, I would have hope again.
I was contacted by a recruiter in May this year. At first I figured that I wouldn't even get an interview. I figured yeah, no one wants to hire me. I'm stuck at this hell hole of a job forever. Then I got a first, second and eventually THIRD interview and they loved me! I was blown away since I figured I really was never going to get to leave the job that was slowing killing me. When I put in my two weeks, my boss refused to let me tell anyone. She thought I would change my mind. When she finally announced it, everyone was so shocked. I was also told to not actually tell what the issues were. As a note, the stuff I listed above is on the bottom of the reasons I quit, so yeah it was bad. The day I left for good and turned in my badge was nothing but relief. I really wanted to say something mean, but burning bridges is childish. I don't think I had felt that kind of joy in a long while.
My new job is exponentially better. I'm back to work I find challenging, which I hadn't in a long time at last job. People aren't falsely nice like at my last job. All that mattered there was you faked nice to everyone and complimented low performers to make them feel better. Here, you are expected to perform. I'm so excited. I KNOW I can perform. Not a problem. I went to the doctor the week I was off between old and new job. My blood pressure is much lower. They said in 6 months if I can keep it that low, I may get off the BP meds. At the new job, you are HIGHLY DISCOURAGED from eating at your desk. I have only done it once so I could shop for accessories for my new Galaxy Watch. I get a full hour now so I can actually reheat healthy leftover or actually enjoy a salad without feeling like I have to shovel a burger in my mouth and run back. it also helps that where I am at for work there is ZERO fast food places. There is a grocery store, a Starbucks and a Mod Pizza. There are also more sitdown places, a Thai place and an Indian place, but they are much farther away and take actual effort to get to. This should REALLY help with weight loss. If I'm already at a grocery to get lunch, I can go into the deli and have a sammich or get some surprisingly delicious (and healthy) sushi. On a side note, now I want a new lunch bag lol. It's just a great situation for me.
All in all, I'm in a much better place to actually make things work for me. Will there be stress in my life now. Of course there will be. No job is stress free, but they seem to ACTUALLY encourage work/life balance rather than just saying it for a talking point. We will see how I feel about that in 6 months.
Another goal I've tried to have before is blogging. I had made a goal of every day at one point but that wasn't realistic. I think I set my goal and three blogs a week and if I over that, great. or it really isn't about view or even comments (although that is thoroughly appreciated :-D ) it is about having a place to write it all down. I think it helps you get it out. Of course I talk to my girlfriend, but talking to the internet even without feedback works for me.
In any case, I'm off for the day so it's cleaning and homework and maybe some Youtube. I hope everyone has a wonderful 4th. Remember to celebrate this country we call America. Remember what really makes it great here today. It's our amazing differences. Our diversity. Our wonderful melting pot of cultures and beliefs. Our tenacity. Our ability to come together and take on anything. That is what America should be celebrated for. Let's all stop and take a moment to remember that today.