I can smile again.

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Happy new year! 25 days late. So here I am I am going to make a confession. Most of the time I am an upbeat positive person. I have to admit I would post positive things all the time although I was crying all the while I was doing so. Truth is the last couple of years I have been a basket case.

You could not look at me without me crying.. I thought making positive post would make me feel better. and it did not. I just felt like a fake, not who I normally was. So I stopped posting and dropping by Spark People who has been my constant for almost 6 years.

After all, I wrecked my knee. had shingles in my eyes, lost my mother, my house, my day care, husband lost his job, my daughter broke up with her boyfriend of 7 years and was depressed for more then a year, lost my dad, got custody of my Uncle Bill and his cat. It has been a rough few years.

So for some time I lived in my woe as me stage. Started to come snap out of it then I would fall deeper into a depression again. Gosh this is a negative posting. You see awhile back I swore to myself I would never write a negative posting again. So true to my word I am honestly going to turn this post around.

Here is the good part. I am starting to feel good about me. I have a pep in my step. ( I am not just talking about my limp from my knee emoticon ,) I am enjoying my life.

I am still not a goal weight, ( I started at size 30 and now wearing a 14) so I am in the right direction. I do not have a job but am in the process of getting a child care licence here in Niagara Falls Ca., My husband works out of town, for half the pay he was getting, My daughter is dating again and is happy. She finished 5 years of University and landed a good job in her field. Uncle Bill is happy. He is in home palliative care. When he no longer can walk the stairs he has agreed to go to a hospice. Right now he can walk, talk and joke.

So over all life is looking up. I have decided to look after me first. I have always told people to do just that but always felt guilty for taking time to look after me. When I was so depressed and would not get out of bed, my family survived with out me. Who knew. I think my family actually like doing the stuff I used to do. Well not the dishes. who likes doing dishes?

So all this typing is to say, I am not cured. I can smile, get out of bed and take walks around the block. emoticon

Happy New Year to me!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hope you are well! Thanks for sharing such an honest post .

    1986 days ago
    Wow! You've been through a lot and are still standing! Pat yourself on the back, girl. You deserve it!!! Feel better and better soon!!
    Big Hugs!
    Patti emoticon
    2190 days ago
    Good or bad, posting is good for the soul. When I lost my son 3 years ago, I gained back 40 pounds and still have 120 gone, but, I am slowly heading back the way I am supposed to go too. You my friend are always in my thoughts and prayers. If I learned nothing else in the last 3 years, I have learned one thing. When God does not seem there, He is. It is in when we are down in the valleys of life that we learn the most about who we are, who He is, and that He is always there. He wants us to have the learning experiences that we can only have as we climb back up the hill and rely on him to show the way.
    2192 days ago
    I know this had to be hard to write. Thank you for sharing this with us.

    You were my first SparkFriend and I am so glad to see you back here and doing so much better.

    2192 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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