Actual Factual...Lesson Learned
Monday, June 11, 2012
Today...40 pounds gone! And inches and lethargy and fears galore...and and and...the list goes on.
One big lesson I've learned is to be actual factual with myself about what I'm doing. What have I actually eaten today? How much exercise did I actually do? And as I look at the facts, I've learned to not put a value judgement on myself as a person based on whether I'm having victory or not. That one realization, that these facts aren't a value judgement, has freed me to take a hard fast look at my thinking patterns and behaviors in order to face them squarely-on to make needed changes ... without crumpling into a puddle of morose self degradation. I used to do that. Frequently. I was one big puddle.
My head conversations go something like this now:
"OK girl, you ate outside of your boundaries 3 days in a row and ate right out of the bag of Quaker Rice cakes. You know that is never a good idea to eat out of a bag of anything. You also didn't remember to do your ST on Wednesday and cut short yesterday's cardio. This may very well be the reason that the scale didn't budge this week. Or not. But you know this isn't how you want to conduct your life, Judi. It doesn't change the value of who you are as a person, but this behavior does carry a consequence that you must live with. Accept the consequences for this week and move on. Modify and don't repeat today."
I've learned that my choices of thinking which lead to choices in my behavior aren't a value judgement of my worth. I am worth a hefty price to God. Do I have to live with the consequences of my choices? Yes! But do these bad choices make me a worthless subhuman zero??? No, No, and No. Do I want to live with these behaviors? No! Can I change my thinking and my behavior...Yes! Am I going to? By God's grace...Yes!
Coming to grips with this has helped me to detach my emotions from the progress or lack thereof during the journey. It has helped me to look at my thinking/behaviors to pin-point error and speak truth to myself objectively with emotional freedom.
So today...I am actually factually joyously 40 pounds lighter. And grateful.