10,000-14,999 SparkPoints 11,705
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186 lbs. | 171 lbs.

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August 28, 2014 - 172 lbs. Almost ready to wear this romper in public!


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Starting over again. It's been years since I was in the habit of logging my eating and fitness into Sparkpeople. I'll tell you what happened. I met a man. A fabulous fantastic super supportive beautiful and funny man. Sounds amazing, right?! He is. BUT I have a tendency in relationships to eat as much as my partner. And let me tell you, he eats ALOT. We also love sweets and have a bad habit of walking to get ice cream after a long day of sitting at my desk. It's tasty but that stuff adds up.

Right before he and I met my favorite gym closed and turned into classpass :(. I couldn't find a new workout rhythm with these big changes. How do people balance having a partner, a social life, and making time for themselves to workout?

I also started a new job two years ago that has a strange schedule, 10am-6pm. This means I can't squeeze in a typical hour-long workout at 5pm before doing my evening activities which usually involve a social activity or improv comedy. Besides I would much prefer spending a fun night with my partner or friends than sweating it out in the gym. This new job is very stressful, demands alot of my time, and does not have the best work-life balance culture.

All of this has led me to creep back up to 192 lbs. It's been HARD.I struggled with insecurities in my relationship that were entirely self-imposed. Why would this beautiful man want to be with this whale? I had to get rid of my entire wardrobe and accept the fact that I was getting bigger. I had a hard talk with myself when I was in a changing room at Old Navy buying size 16 pants. It's just a number. It doesn't have any bearing on who I am or what I am worth. I had to love myself and buy the size the fit and looked good. Who cares what the number says on the pant label?

Every-time I think about "dieting" or committing to a fitness routine I get sad. I've already climbed this hill. I already lost so much weight. I've fallen off the wagon and getting back on sounds so hard. I feel like a failure.

After months of coming to terms with this and really truly doing some deep self-love I'm ready to lose some weight. Plus I'm engaged and brides lose weight for their weddings...right? I'll be super honest about my motivation for this. I've been doing a little wedding dress perusing and I want to pick the dress that I like NOT the dress that I fit into it. I've been plotting going back to the gym for weeks. I've gone back in fits and starts but nothing has quite stuck.

This past week I finally went to a yoga class. Before I went I could feel my body craving the sensation of using my muscles. I cried during the opening meditation because it meant that I truly cared about myself and was putting the time in to be healthy. I skipped one of the sequences and rested in childs pose because I needed it. I've never done that. I'm always too busy trying to prove myself to rest. It felt amazing.

So here's to a new start. This is me caring about me. I want this change to last forever.

Member Since: 1/2/2013

Fitness Minutes: 17,645

My Goals:
Overall goal is be healthy.
Lose 32 lbs.
Do more outdoor activities.
Start slow so that this will last.

My Program:
Tracking food, drinking 2 liters of water, and doing 3 fitness classes per week. I am focusing on cutting my meals in half when I eat out, eating more vegetables than anything else, and cutting out bread.

Personal Information:
I am a dancer, a comedian, a storytelling, and a general prankster. I have called San Francisco home for the past ten years.

Other Information:

Read More About SCOHANATOR - Profile Information moved here. (Updated October 4)

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 current weight: 157.4 
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    I'm a fan of Zumba, too. :-)
    1792 days ago
    emoticon for the blog love, I appreciate the encouragement and support!
    2655 days ago
  • v STODD251
    Thanks for the blog comment. I know I am probably overcriticizing myself. I'll just keep working out and wear that bikini with confidence. You're absolutely right that it's the confidence that people will see, but there's that little subconscious part of myself that will keep doubting.
    2857 days ago
    I am also starting at 185 lbs and have 45 lbs to lose over 2013! My goal is 2 lbs a week, to be at my goal weight by my birthday, September 13! I see that you've already lost 15 lbs and I just wanted to say congratulations! I am only down 6 lbs in 10 days, but hey I'll take it! Way to go on staying accountable, that's always the hardest part!

    Are you Dutch? What is living in the Netherlands like? What made you decide to to school in the Netherlands?! My father is from Holland, and I am half Dutch but don't know a lot about my heritage! One of my goals is to learn some traditional Dutch recipes and cook them for my boyfriend! I've heard that Holland is extremely beautiful!
    2907 days ago
  • v ARIABOO10
    Hey I just wanted to let you know Friday I may be late on the weigh in! I got a job offer from the bank in town and I have to travel Friday morning to another town for training. I'm not sure when I'll be home. The town is 1 and half hours away. And they said training is all day. But I should be able to track it Friday night! Or on a lunch break...not sure if it'll be with them and don't want to get on my phone while around them.

    Thank you!
    2935 days ago
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